Monday, August 25, 2008

The letter written to self

Dear self, I thought I had everything planned out. I knew there would be slight changes here and there but for the most part I thought I had everything figured out. I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life. Now I feel as though I've lost control. I hate to word it that way, but in a sum that's how I feel. I have no money, no job, and debt that's growing by the day. My dreams, hopes and aspirations seem to be fading by the day, and settling for an average job with an average life is starting to occupy a larger space in my head. A wise man once said "to whom much is giving much is expected." Only one part of me wants to fight and the other part of me wants to give up. I guess I'm trying to figure out what my problems really are. Why is my potential endless but not being put to use? I do know that i do a lot of taking, planning, and writing, however I always fall short on the action. I think it's because I don't know exactly what to do when it's time to react. It's like the director of my life goes LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION, and I freeze up. Then I question if I even believe in what I want to do. I pray so much for direction, it seems as though I'm even more lost after I get finished praying. Mom said that life was hard.What she should have said is life is d%^% near impossible. I wonder if time didn't go by itself, how many of us would still be on the same revolving day, trying to get it right. How do I fix this? How do I re-gain control. How does GOD hear every single prayer and decide who to bless and who has to wait? And Does one really have to lie cheat and steal to get ahead? Well self until next time.....

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